How to Know You're Ready to Be a Mom

The Desire

You've been wistfully observing parents with their little ones for a few weeks now. 

After "settling into" your marriage for a year or two, you have a growing desire to welcome a child into your home. 

You find yourself questioning whether you're ready for motherhood. Three months ago, you didn't give it a second thought—you just knew you weren't there yet. 

But now...

Now you're wondering.

That was me. At age 22, I had been married for three years when I began seeing mothers and their children differently. I watched a friend trying to corral her energetic 18-month-old at church or heard a stranger call her boy "son" to get his attention. And I longed for that. 

I shocked myself. I wasn't really a "kid person." I had generally avoided babysitting as a teenager. I didn't feel drawn to my friends' kids—if anything, I'd thought they were a little...well, gross. I'd always planned to have children someday, but I wasn't in a hurry. After all, I was still young. 

So this was definitely a change.

I talked with my husband and learned that he had been thinking about it too. We decided that I would stop taking birth control and we would see what happened. 

A month after I took my last birth control pill, I was pregnant.

Hindsight is 20/20

Nine years later, I'm a single mom to a nearly-eight-year-old boy and a six-year-old girl. These last eight years have been some of the most challenging and wonderful of my life.

I know, getting advice from a divorcée about whether you're ready to have a baby may not seem like your best bet. On the other hand, as someone who's "gone through the wringer," I may have an even better understanding of what it really takes to be a parent. 

With that said, was I "ready" to become a parent at 23? I still don't have an answer to that. I often feel like I'm not prepared to be a mother even now. 

From what I understand, this is an extremely common feeling among all parents. Which always makes me sigh in relief. Parenting is a lifelong learning process—complete with incredible joy, painful mistakes, questions, tears, and a whole lot of love. 

That's how it is for every. single. parent. I promise.

So looking back on my own journey, I have a few pieces of advice to help you transition into this next stage of your life.

Prepare and Pray

Let's be real - parenting is a huge endeavor! There are so many questions to answer and so many things to consider. Here are the four main areas I have found to be most important to my own parenting journey.

1. Desire. "The first step toward success is a deep driving desire" (Debasish Mridha). On my hardest days, I still have a profound longing to love, nurture, and teach these two little humans in my home. Even when all hell breaks loose and I find myself crying alone in my room, the desire to be a mother is the thing that helps me dry my tears and keep going. Don't underestimate the power of such a desire!

2. Logistics. Understanding the financial and practical logistics is vital as well. Do you have insurance to cover labor and delivery? How much will you be paying out of pocket? Will you be paying for childcare or staying home with the baby? Do you want to breastfeed or formula feed? These questions can be overwhelming, so I recommend checking out the "First-Year Baby Costs Calculator" at Babycenter.com. It takes some of the overwhelm out of financially planning for your little one! 

3. Mental and Emotional Health. I wish my ex-husband and I had taken more time preparing for this aspect of parenting. What recurring mental and emotional struggles do you each have? How do you handle conflict with each other? What kinds of things will you put in place so each of your unique needs will be met? Many parents—myself included!—struggle with anxiety and depression. If you know you have recurring issues in this area, commit now to seeking the support you need. Children do best when their parents have proper support!

4. Have Faith. Whether you're religious or not, have faith! In yourself, in God, in the universe, in biology, in whatever helps you move forward in life. Remember, billions of women before you have overcome unimaginable odds to become good mothers. You will find your way. I promise!

Good luck! Motherhood is a challenging and beautiful journey. Ready or not, you are sure to grow more from this new relationship than almost anything else.

You can do this. You are not alone. And I guarantee that it is well worth the journey!